Embracing Change: Living Your Joy
The Hard Truth
I have to be vulnerable for a sec and share some truths with you. While things in my life aren’t going bad, I’ve felt uninspired and disconnected from my true self and my inner happiness. The more I really think about it, this feeling has been a constant in my life since I was a child. I spent my entire life, up until my divorce, doing and being what others wanted out of fear of rocking the boat and not being liked. It’s been a miserable way to live.
I’ve stumbled around focusing more on what my life looked like to others than what it felt like to me. That’s what I grew up thinking life was like for everyone. “Nobody is happy all the time” and “we all have to do things we don’t like every day”; “this is just the way life is”. I’ve spent my years settling for unfulfilling jobs, unhealthy relationships, uninspiring places, and un-loved stuff for the sake of having.
Why, you might wonder. Well, for the same reason most everyone else does. I feel, or at least think, this is the best I can do/get and I don’t have the confidence to stand up and say “no, I deserve better.”
Guidance
I have been getting some serious signs from the universe lately and let me tell you, they haven’t been subtle either. They have been big neon signs flashing right in my face. Now I’m listening.
I came to the realization a few weeks ago that I’ve been doing my best just to survive the last few years, just holding on and being okay with the way things in my life’s been going. I haven’t been miserable, but I certainly haven’t been happy either. Well, I want to thrive, not just survive any more.
While browsing a selection of books I asked the website to recommend something for me. Cue, the universe’s first sign. It recommended Adventures for the Soul and as an outdoor lover I assumed, based on the title that the book had something to do with travel or something along those lines. On a whim I dropped it into my cart, no questions asked. After breaking it open, I quickly learned it was about living your joy every moment of every day, not travel.
It couldn’t have come at a more opportune time! I was looking for answers and in need of some guidance and clarity.
Words of Wisdom
In her book, Shannon makes some amazing points that really resonated with my soul. Things I feel in my heart to be true but for some reason always slip back into my subconscious.
“Nothing is permanent; at every moment of your life, you have an opportunity to change directions.”
Now, you and I both know that nothing is permanent, it’s a simple fact of life. So why do we treat everything like it is or has to be? Does that new job really have to become a career, or can you just try it out and see if you love it? Does your relationship have to end in years of blissful marriage, or can you simply enjoy your time together and be happy in the moment?
For me, it’s always about things being permanent. I always look at the big picture far into the future, even though I’m pretty sure I’m not a fortune teller. That’s just how society has conditioned us, we are only safe and secure in permanent situations and if we can’t make them work then we must be doing something wrong, right? I hate the idea of failing but I now see the errors of my thinking. Changing your mind, your environment, or your dreams when they no longer serve you isn’t failing, it’s following your heart and living your joy.
“Your heart is your compass and inner guidance is your truth, not the emotions that are the results of outward situations.”
I never realized how much my head and my emotions have ruled my life. It’s no wonder I’ve never felt at home in my own body, I’ve been fighting my heart at almost every turn. Logic and emotion always win over “things that I love and bring me joy”. I stay in toxic relationships and jobs I can’t stand because I’m comfortable being uncomfortable. It’s the logical choice and makes me feel safe and secure but what about my heart? I’ve spent my life settling, believing that these things are the best options and completely ignoring the desires of my heart. I’ve put everything I really want on the back burner while “life” took control.
“You are worth every drop of your desires. You are worth it. No longer will you allow yourself to stay in situations that hurt your soul. Anything that feels uncomfortable will be removed from your life as you align with your true you-ness.”
This sounds so easy and makes so much sense but if you’re anything like me, the struggle here is real. So many things in my daily life no longer bring me joy and many of which I can easily discard without a second thought but a few of these things come with serious emotional attachment and I find myself yo-yoing constantly to let them go and move forward. I know without a doubt that I’m worthy of happiness each and every day of my life just like you are. I know settling and staying in toxic situations and places that don’t bring me joy are actually hindering my happiness.
They say knowing is half the battle right. Well now I know, and I’m fighting tooth and nail to rise above and live a life of joy, even if it means following my heart and starting over again. Life isn’t meant to be lived in misery or “comfort”, it’s meant to be loved and enjoyed at every turn.
“People will either like me or they won’t, but I can’t waste time trying to convince others to love me. The only thing that matters is my love for myself.”
After my divorce I spent six blissful, single years, getting to know myself and follow my dreams. I finally started to understand this concept of accepting myself and not caring about whether everyone liked me or not. I learned to let go of people pleasing and seeking validation through others.
To a lot of people, self-love and the ability to put yourself first and above all is the ultimate in selfishness but honestly is it really? If you were your best happiest self, most of the time, wouldn’t that reflect back into the world and those around you?
“Your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on anyone else.”
This concept is crazy and one of the hardest for me. My happiness has always been wrapped around others and their emotions, it’s something I struggle with to this day. There is so much beauty and joy in life, it’s everywhere you look. So why do we constantly wait for someone else to make us happy?
I understand how easy it seems but following my heart just seems to go against everything society and life has taught me. For this very reason, this is at the top of my must change/work on list. My happiness comes from me and no one else! I can choose to be happy or not every second of every day despite what the rest of the world is doing.
“We can look at events in our life and see them as problems that hinder us and keep us from what we want, or we can choose to see them as opportunities for growth.”
I’m so guilty of this one and I’m constantly falling back into this pattern. Now I’m choosing to be more positive and to see things as guidance. I may not like everything that happens but that doesn’t mean it can’t teach me something.
Have you ever noticed that the more you struggle against change the harder/more painful it seems to be? It’s like a Chinese finger trap, stop trying to forcefully get out and it simply releases you. Change, and life in general will be a whole lot easier if we see it this way. If we take the opportunity to learn and grow our perspectives will change, life will flow smoother and our happiness with bloom.
“All transformation requires us to accept uncertainty and embrace the unknown. On the other side of these changes are happiness and security. So, learning to look at change as an opportunity for growth will help us in the long run.”
Absolute truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. We all fear what we don’t know, it’s ingrained for our survival but where would the human race be if others hadn’t reached beyond that fear. How different would your life be, if you hadn’t held back?
I can honestly say I’d never have found myself if I hadn’t taken a leap of faith and run screaming into the unknown when I left my marriage. I could have let my fear control the situation and stayed or made the change harder, but I chose to see it has an adventure, a new challenge I ultimately knew in my heart I could handle, and a path to personal growth and freedom.
In the end my heart won over fear, for the first time in my life, and it was glorious!
“Every day is another blank canvas,
Every step is a brush stroke,
And you’re one of a kind. Yeah, you’re so brilliant.
Oh, I hope that you know…
You can pick your favorite color
There’s no paint by numbers for you to go by,
With every single shade yeah, you create BEAUTIFUL LIFE!”
-Mercy River: Beautiful Life
Share in the comments below:
I’d love to know how you make living your joy a priority every day.